How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
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That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.