Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?