too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
