You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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