someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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