I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
