Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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