please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
