He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bring money and cleavage
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...