I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.