Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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