I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line