Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me