areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.