Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16