A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.