I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize