based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
