Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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