in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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