make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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