He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
