i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This toilet bowl is my home.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
