dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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