Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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