dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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