Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.