She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies