So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas