u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Soap is not a condiment
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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