i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
