Only a mothe r could love this liver
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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