In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
