Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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