Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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