dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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