the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital