I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him