I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here