I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.