Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.