I'm going to jail i love you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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