Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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