We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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