I wish my penis had an off switch
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize