I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
