yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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