U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
