I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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