no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
