If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
