So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.