i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.