I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a