my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major