you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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