I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
birth control should be required to get into college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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