If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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