I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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