Rock
Scissors
Fuck
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
