i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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