I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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