youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize