it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
