I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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